So after last nights "freak-out" blogging, I reread everything that I wrote. Then I went upstairs and had a long conversation with H. I think I could be an excellent trial lawyer, because I do my best arguing when I'm prepared. You know, the witnesses are prepped, I've written down my questions, and I've highlighted the major topics I would like to cover. So once I saw everything that I was feeling in front of me, I was able to know what I needed to say. If that makes any sense. So, I went up and we both apologized for the way we acted. I told him that I really didn't appreciate his snide little comment about finding a job, and he said that he was sorry, he knew that was a low blow. Then he asked me to come back upstairs and sleep in our bed. So I did. I think he finally understands though, that it's not so much about how much he's drinking, but about his lack of caring. He said that he does care, he does want a baby, he just doesn't want to get too hopeful...it could take a long time. On the subject of drinking, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot micro-manage him the way I would like to. I'm limiting myself to one comment and then moving on. So that't that.
On another note, I would like to say that TTC is not fun, and when people drop negative comments about TTC or about their kids or things like that, it's not fun. I was waiting on some people yesterday, and the mom just starts bitching to me about her daughter, who is sitting right there next to her. She tells me to never have girls, they are so emotional, and then goes into her life story about how daughters are evil, and her son is a little angel. Uh-huh. Well the daughter was already upset about something, and obviously her mother complaining about her to a total stranger was not helping the situation. I really wanted to say to the mom, "well, I've been TTC for almost a year now, with no luck, so maybe you should appreciate what you have." While I doubt that she would have complained to my boss, you never know. The other day, this girl that I work with (who is my age and has 2 kids and an "open" marriage), asked me if we were still TTC. She had overheard me say something to one of the girls I am close with at work, and she put it together. #1-If I didn't tell you, there's a reason. You just want to know so you can gossip to all your friends about my situation. #2- Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT then go on to tell me that if we need help, I can send H your way. Uh...so you want to have sex with my husband, have his baby, and just give it to us? And you think we'll be ok with that? Let's think about all the things that are wrong in that situation. I know that she was kidding, but it's ignorant little comments like that that really make my head spin. I just mumbled how I didn't think that would work out. I was so thrown that she even said anything to me, that I couldn't think of what to say. Ugh....consider the source, I guess. Some people are just stupid.
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