I tested this morning.

And as (kind of) expected, it was negative. I could just be testing too early though. It's only 11 dpo, possibly less. I couldn't test all weekend either, which I find very frustrating. My temp had dropped a little this AM, but I have no idea if that was part of a consistant temp drop or just a fluke. It's still above the coverline, and did not drop a lot, so I'm still hoping. I tried to fill in all my info from over the weekend at FF, and at one point it tried to change my O from the 19th to the 21st. I wasn't sure whether to trust that, so I changed my info back, just because I wasn't even positive that what I was telling it was right. So I could only be 9 dpo. If I O'd the 21st though, my chances are pretty much non-existant, because H was out of town.
Over the weekend, I slept with my wedding rings on Friday night, which I never do. I thought that my finger was just a little swollen on Sat AM, but my finger itched all day. It still is itchy, even though I've had my rings off as much as possible. A friend that we were staying with this weekend told me that I was probably PG. She said that her pregnancy hormones reacted with her rings and she couldn't wear them her entire pregnancy. I understand that she's just speculating, but she doesn't understand how much stock I put in what she said. It really just got my hopes up. I know that everyone's symptoms are different, and I probably just got a bug bite or something, but geez. And I know that it's really too early for me to be having any kind of symptoms even if I were PG, but you can't help but wonder.
I do feel better now that I took a test though. I was all apprehensive and nervous about it, so I feel relieved now that it's over. I used my last test this morning too, so that's good. I won't get that itch to test and have everything readily available. I'm going to try to not test again this week. At least until Friday at the earliest. I think now I'm just waiting for AF to show up (even though I haven't had one sign of her coming), so if I make it until Friday I will probably just be a bundle of hopes and nervousness.

I am ready.

So, here I am. 7dpo. Just waiting. Too early to test. I want to wait until at least 12 dpo if my chart looks good. I noticed that last months LP was only 11 days, so I feel like that's a good goal. In the midst of looking for faux symptoms, I have to tell you. I feel no different. Nothing at all. Every time I go to pee though, I think that maybe I'm peeing a lot. But I think I'm just paying more attention to it. Who knows. In honor of my possible impending pregnancy, I've decided to think about anything that I will miss after I have a baby.

Here's what I have come up with:
1. Sleep. Obviously. Although I've always been more of a napper than a night sleeper, but I'm not planning on getting naps either.
2. Having time just for me. Sometimes, if I have an hour to kill, I will paint my nails or straighten my hair. I like to have time to wander stores aimlessly with no time restriction or purpose in mind.
3. My boobs. I am willing to sacrifice them to have a child. I'm prepared.

Honestly, that's all I can think of. That's not bad. The list of things I will be happy about after having a baby is just endless. I will not even attempt to put that one on paper. I am excited to go see my friend's baby tomorrow and just snuggle him.

Can I just get an answer please?

So, I think I O'd last week, but I'm not sure. I wish that FF would give me my lines already. So, figuring that I am in the 2ww, let's just say that 2ww is a double-edged sword. It sucks because you're nervous and every little twinge or pain takes on new meaning. I find myself thinking, "Man, I'm really tired today. Why am I so tired? Well...maybe. But...nah. Couldn't be." or "What was that? Was that implantation pain? Man, I hope so. Ugh...Lynette! Most people don't feel implantation. Stop making up symptoms!" But you know what it means if most people don't feel implantation? It means that some people do. 2ww is also a good time because I can still be optimistic. I can think that, maybe, just maybe, this is our month. Although, most of you who did my poll said I would not get PG until August (you all suck, by the way). I only had one vote for this month. And I can't remember if I voted. Because if I did, it would have been for this month. Well...here's to waiting to see what tomorrow will bring. Cross your fingers that the temps will keep going up.

And there's the temp rise...

So, I am pretty sure that I O'd yesterday. I had a temp dip yesterday, and then it went up today. We will see what tomorrow's temp brings, but keep your fingers crossed for us! We timed everything right, so my mind is just racing with the possibilities. On one hand, I know that I will be very disappointed if we get a BFN this cycle, but on the other hand, I feel like I am learning so much about my body and how things should work through charting. And I am still very much a charting rookie. H has even learned a lot about charting. Sometimes he peeks over my shoulder at my chart, and asks what this or that means. He's not that into it, but a little is a lot for him. All he knows is that there's a 7 to 10 day time frame when he gets lots of sex. He actually complained the other day. I was telling him how I should O soon, and I quoted an episode of Roseanne. I said, "oh, look at that. According to my calendar, you are expected to service me tonight." It was a quote, and I was totally kidding. He laughed, but later, after sex, he said that he didn't like being "expected to perform". He said he didn't like just going at it, that he liked more kissing and all. I found this hilarious. I apologized for being such a pig, and promised more foreplay next time! Originally, I had thought that TTC sex would be different than normal sex, but it's really not. At least to me. It's not like I expect him to stop mid-pump and say, "we're going to make a baby!", but I thought that it would feel a little different. H is out of town tonight and he's probably glad. He's not expected to make a contribution tonight. Ahh...a horrible attempt at humor.

Well...here goes nothing!

So, I think today might be the big "O" Day. I'm not really sure though. My doc told me that I would O one week after my last Clomid pill. That would have put O on Saturday. But last month, I didn't O the day I was supposed to. I O'ed about 4 days later. So I am thinking that I might O as late as Wed. Ugh...I have no idea how women do this and don't take Clomid. At least I have a general idea about when I should O. If I didn't have that, I would be lost. I do really like that I have last months chart to look back at. It's been a great reference tool. I recommend to anyone who's even considering TTC, that you start charting. Maybe if I had done this earlier, I wouldn't have had to go through 8 months without ovulating.

While I really don't find TTC that "fun", I am trying to look on the bright side. During the 2ww, there's just that little spark of hope inside that thinks, "well...maybe this time it worked!". Even if it turns out to be wrong, its such a good feeling. As much as we've tried to keep TTC a secret, I think everyone knows. Could be paranoia, could be over-analyzing things, I don't know. I have told a few people. DH hasn't told anyone, but he sucks at keeping secrets. Really we both suck at secrets. I have always thought that I would wait until after my first trimester to tell people I was PG, but I don't know if we'll be able to hold out. I guess only time will tell.

Today marks the first day of trying to eat a little healthier. I'm not going on a diet or anything, but I would like to start making better decisions. I stocked up on fruits and other "better" things today at the store. We'll see. Wish me luck this cycle, I think we need it!

"I could leave, but I'll just stay. All my stuff's here anyways..."

So after last nights "freak-out" blogging, I reread everything that I wrote. Then I went upstairs and had a long conversation with H. I think I could be an excellent trial lawyer, because I do my best arguing when I'm prepared. You know, the witnesses are prepped, I've written down my questions, and I've highlighted the major topics I would like to cover. So once I saw everything that I was feeling in front of me, I was able to know what I needed to say. If that makes any sense. So, I went up and we both apologized for the way we acted. I told him that I really didn't appreciate his snide little comment about finding a job, and he said that he was sorry, he knew that was a low blow. Then he asked me to come back upstairs and sleep in our bed. So I did. I think he finally understands though, that it's not so much about how much he's drinking, but about his lack of caring. He said that he does care, he does want a baby, he just doesn't want to get too hopeful...it could take a long time. On the subject of drinking, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot micro-manage him the way I would like to. I'm limiting myself to one comment and then moving on. So that't that.

On another note, I would like to say that TTC is not fun, and when people drop negative comments about TTC or about their kids or things like that, it's not fun. I was waiting on some people yesterday, and the mom just starts bitching to me about her daughter, who is sitting right there next to her. She tells me to never have girls, they are so emotional, and then goes into her life story about how daughters are evil, and her son is a little angel. Uh-huh. Well the daughter was already upset about something, and obviously her mother complaining about her to a total stranger was not helping the situation. I really wanted to say to the mom, "well, I've been TTC for almost a year now, with no luck, so maybe you should appreciate what you have." While I doubt that she would have complained to my boss, you never know. The other day, this girl that I work with (who is my age and has 2 kids and an "open" marriage), asked me if we were still TTC. She had overheard me say something to one of the girls I am close with at work, and she put it together. #1-If I didn't tell you, there's a reason. You just want to know so you can gossip to all your friends about my situation. #2- Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT then go on to tell me that if we need help, I can send H your way. Uh...so you want to have sex with my husband, have his baby, and just give it to us? And you think we'll be ok with that? Let's think about all the things that are wrong in that situation. I know that she was kidding, but it's ignorant little comments like that that really make my head spin. I just mumbled how I didn't think that would work out. I was so thrown that she even said anything to me, that I couldn't think of what to say. Ugh....consider the source, I guess. Some people are just stupid.

Am I speaking a language you do not understand?

Ugh...as I write this, I have moved out of my bedroom. I am holed up in the basement bedroom which is like going from a 5 star hotel to the Lazy T Motel down the road. H had softball tonight, and then went out with the guys for food and drinks. I picked him up later and on the way home, asked how much he drank. He said 5 1/4 beers. AH! I do not get it. Am I not speaking in English? Really though. So I got upset with him, which made him get upset with me. And any time that he's upset with me, he has to go throw some comment in about how I should get a new job. He knows that the job situtation is a sensitive topic, and he purposefully says mean-spirited things to me about it. So, while he was in the shower, I brushed my teeth, got some supplies, and headed downstairs. He came down about 20 minutes later and asked me what I was doing. He always does that; says something incredibly mean and then later acts like it didn't happen. I said I was getting ready for bed. He asked if I was sleeping down here, and I said yes. He asked why and I said because I didn't want to sleep with him. He got all mad and told me I was being ridiculous because he went out and had 5 beers. He really doesn't get it. I am not mad at you for going out and having a few. But a few is 3, not 5. Why does he have to drink 5 on a Monday anyways? If it was Friday or Saturday, I would be a little more forgiving. I am mad because he does not care enough about TTC to change his habits. He thinks that he has changed his habits and he's trying, but he's not. He did a good job on Saturday, but only because we argued all day about it. I just want him to care about this. I want him to want it as much as I want it. I just feel like he is disregarding everything that I'm saying to him...and that really concerns me for our future. If something is important to me, it should be important to him. He sees how much pain and disappointment I go through every month that goes by that I'm not PG. He sees my little smile when I'm in the 2ww and he asks me, and I say there's a possibility. I would just think that he would want to do what he can to make me happy. After I get PG, if he wants to go drink himself stupid all the time, fine-we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I really don't want to sleep down here tonight, but I have not made my decision yet.

"So wait...by saying 'pick a night' you meant one night to drink? I thought you were saying one night NOT to drink..."

So, needless to say, H did not respect our conversation that we had the other day about him drinking. Last night, a friend came over with a 6-pack of a new beer. I was fine with him having 3. Then we went out, and shockingly, he got water. Then we came home, where he preceded to have another beer. And then another, which was only 3/4 full because the keg ran out. So this morning as we're laying in bed, it gets brought up and I tell him that he doesn't seem to care about TTC. Basically, this turns into an ENTIRE day of arguing back and forth. Never really "getting into it", we don't do that. Sometimes, I think I would like to, but he's just not that type. Just going about our normal business and dropping comments every now and then about the situation. Very passive-aggressive. I'm sure that's healthy. So it comes down to me telling him that I think he is being selfish and mean and uncaring. He disagrees, but I think he's starting to see my point. He asks me how much he can drink tonight, and starts suggesting how if he has X beers after a certain time, then he'll be ok and blah, blah, blah. I told him that I am not going to babysit him. I am not his mother. He can make his own decisions and deal with the consequences. I tell him that he has no idea how lucky he has been since we've been together. I do not try to control his drinking, I never have. I come pick him up all the time and I don't complain about it, I stay sober so that we have a DD, all the time. Ugh...so tonight we went to a friends house for dinner, and he had one drink and one glass of wine. While drinking his first drink, he leans over to me and says, "Look, I'm really nursing this one..." Who ever knew I would be this lucky?

Today, we went and stole the dog of the friends who just had a baby. The baby is a week and a half old and he is adorable. He is soooooo small. He wasn't a pre-mie, but he's just little. So after we returned their dog, she asked me if I wanted to hold him. I did, but I was all dirty from taking the dogs to the park, and had to say no. Ughhh....it killed me! I just wanted to snuggle him and think that maybe someday... But I was happy just to see him. During this trip, H admits that newborns are intimidating to him. I find that so endearing that it's disgusting. I've heard that a woman becomes a mom the moment she finds out she's pregnant, but a man becomes a dad when he holds his child. I totally buy that. Although, I think that H might be more comfortable with the baby in my womb, protected from evil. Just think of the baby as in a little happy bubble in there. Protected with lots of insulation and bubble wrap, I'm sure. I think that's the mentality we may be headed towards. But once it's out, and he might have to hold it or even move it across the room, sheer pandemonium, I'm sure. He'll come around. H was really cute asking all sorts of questions about breast-feeding and sleeping schedules and who gets up for what and things like that. I think it's adorable when he takes an active interest in TTC. These friends know (well, she does, so I think he does) that we are trying, and she knows about all my struggles. We were actually both hoping last summer to get PG at the same time, and wondering who would be first and all. It's crazy to think that was a year ago and now they have a little baby. Not crazy, but surreal, I guess.

Last Clomid pill today. I am thinking of creating a sex schedule so H knows when his services are needed. Ha....not really. Well, I'm not going to do it, that doesn't mean the thought has not crossed my mind.

Nothing to do but wait, wait, wait....

So today is Day 4 of Clomid. Yay, only one more day of that. I woke up Wed. morning and didn't feel the greatest, but thought no big deal. I went to work and everything went downhill from there. If you feel nauseauted, DO NOT, under any circumstances, enter a restaurant kitchen that is roughly 100-120 degress, and smells like grease and eggs. I was just lucky I hadn't eaten anything yet. Luckily, someone switched with me, so I got to leave around 3. Then I went home and crashed. H was such a nice guy. He went and worked out and then came back and took the dog for a walk. Then he made dinner and did the dishes. It was nice to just lay on the couch. Too bad my stomach felt like it was in my throat for the majority of the night.

Feeling like that really makes me nervous about morning sickness. I want to enjoy my pregnancy, not feel like I'm going to toss my cookies at any moment. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to worry about that milestone when I come to it. Not being PG yet, I'm not going to worry about it. While I was laying in bed last night, I was thinking about how long it takes some people to get PG. Just from talking to women on thenest.com, I know that sometimes it takes a really long time, even without any fertility problems. I just wonder, will that be me? Will I hit the one year mark? The year and a half? I think about some of my friends that aren't TTC. What if they get PG before me? I would be happy for them, but I would be jealous inside. I tend to be that way, and it's not one of my most favorable personality traits. I know people who have had unplanned pregnancies, and it just seems unfair. Granted, everyone I know in this situation has had everything turn out well, and they are all great parents. I just wonder why sometimes things happen to people that don't want it, while people who want it so badly are left empty-handed. Is it fate? Is it something telling me that I just have to be patient? Do these people need to have a life change more than me? I don't know...

I don't doubt that I will get PG. Hopefully in 2008, but we can't count on that. Even though going through all this SUCKS and is something I would never, ever wish upon anyone, I'm almost grateful that it's happening like this. I complain about it a lot and all, but I think that trying so hard and having to wait for this long will make me love my future baby that much more. Because they were wanted. I have waited a long time for this baby to show up, and I think it will happen when it's supposed to. But I still don't like waiting!

Tonight is Friday, and I have to work. I have to bartend on our outside deck at work. I really don't want to, but it's a little exciting to be doing something new. To be outside. Although, it's really starting to get dark out there. Side note, I love how my dog has been merrily chewing on his bone over by the couch for 30 minutes, yet the two times that he has had to fart, he comes and sits right underneath my chair. That's just good sharing. Anyways, H said that he will come sit outside with me tonight and keep my company while I work. "Keep me company" is his way of saying he'll bring some friends and drink beer. Yeah...we'll just see about that mister.

"Don't you want your little guys to be swimmers?"

So, last night I was talking to H about how much he drinks on the weekends. He'll have a few beers here and there throughout the week, no big deal. But the weekend hits, and he's out Friday and Saturday nights going where ever there's beer. So I've mentioned to him a few times in the past that alcohol can affect male fertility, to which he has responded that that's not true, and that "his boys" are just fine. He tries this approach last night, and I tell him that he is not a doctor, he does not know that-he's making it up. So he tells me to find something online that tells why alcohol is harmful to male fertility. I ask him how many sites he wants, because I can find as many as it takes. He says 2, so I look up 4. Long story short, he reads all the sites, which talk about how alcohol can not only harmful to male fertility, but pretty much detrimental, and he says that it doesn't apply to him because he doesn't drink that much on average. And I look at the sites, and nowhere does it average anything. It says that 4 oz. of alcohol is enough to harm male fertility. That's roughly 8 bottles of beer. He EASILY drinks that on any given Friday/Saturday night. So I ask him if he's going to change his habits or continue. He says that he really doesn't drink that much, so he doesn't see anything to change. As much as I wanted to choke him, I kept my cool and very calmly (ok...maybe not VERY calmly) told him that he wasn't being fair. I am doing everything that I am supposed to be doing. I am going above and beyond the norm. I am taking my meds, I am communicating with the doc, I am not drinking, trying to start avoiding smokey places, taking vitamins, etc, etc, etc. And he is doing nothing. And he might be the one sabotaging any possible pregnancy, just for a couple nights of "fun". I am anxious to see what happens this weekend. I think he will continue with his old habits, but we'll just have to wait and see. I don't expect him to quit drinking. I know that that is something he likes to do. Whatever. I think it's a waste of money, but if that's his thing, ok. But I think it would be nice if he would think about us for a change. What's best for us instead of what's best for him.

If these are cramps, what the hell are contractions going to be like?

So, I read somewhere that periods can be especially bitchy after taking Clomid. I believe it. My cramps are so bad I have already taken 4 Midol (it's 10:30) today and I still really don't feel any better. Thankfully, these horrible cramps will dull after today and then there will be only a moderate aching all over my body. I called the doc for more Clomid today. I am feeling pretty good about this next cycle. I try not to get too excited or happy about what may come, but it's hard. I want it so bad! I was telling H last night that I think this could be the month. We would find out right before our 2 year anniversary. Perfect! But we'll see.

I am thinking about our friends who recently had a baby, and everything looks so perfect in my head. I can just see him crying, and them getting up in the middle of the night to feed him, and everything is all sugar-coated and happy. I know that's not the real world, but that's how I'm picturing it. I just can't wait to see those two pink lines on the test. I haven't decided yet how I will tell H. I kind of want to buy him a cute little onesie or something and just give it to him and let him figure it out, but I kind of want to tell him right away. We'll see what happens.

So, because I am not pregnant yet, I have decided to list my 10 biggest fears/concerns about being PG/giving birth. I am a list person, and I think it will be funny to look back at this when I'm 8 months PG. Here they are (in no particular order):

1. Peeing and possibly pooping while giving birth. I know it's no big deal and the docs are used to it, but gross.
2. Having a hard delivery and not being able to take care of the baby on my own at first. H is great, but I don't know if he'd be ready to do it all on his own.
3. Having to change my diet because of morning sickness or breastfeeding. I can't imagine the day when Oreo's do not fix the world, and I can't have the things I love.
4. Going into labor. I just worry about where I'll be and if I'll be ready to go and what if H is out of town or something?
5. People touching me. Just because I have a child inside of me will not give anyone the right to invade my personal space and touch me. I don't like being touched that much, especially by strangers, and I will likely bite people's heads off for touching me.
6. On that note, becoming more hormonal than I already am.
7. Giving birth to multiples. While I think it would be fun to have twins, I don't think it would be fun to carry them and give birth to them. One is enough, thanks.
8. Being put on bed rest. I can not imagine what this house would look like if I couldn't do anything around it. H might try at first, but then he would think, "Oh, she can't get out of bed anyways, I'll just leave these dishes until tomorrow." I really need to learn to let things go.
9. If there was anything wrong with the baby.
10. Not having things that I need after getting home with the baby. I could not imagine sending H out for nursing pads or something like that. He might never come back. That would be worse than sending him out for tampons (which I would never do). I know that I will be that person with 12 checklists of things I need for the baby and I'll have the nursery ready when I'm 4 months PG, and then I'll rearrange it when I'm 5 months, and then put it all back at 6 months, and wash all the clothes seventeen times, and change the bedding before the baby is born. I am that OCD. You all know it.

Some of these fears are serious and justifiable. Others are just silly and I'm sure (sort of) that they will diminish after I get PG and move along in my pregnancy.

This morning, as I was pressure washing my deck to get the paint off (yeah, I know...who paints a deck?) I decided that the first people to know I'm PG, besides H and you guys, will be the neighbors. They will no longer be awakened at 8 in the morning to the sound of the pressure washer or lulled to sleep by the rhythmic sounds of my lawnmower. When the neighborhood gets quiet, I'm knocked up!

Operation: Babywatch

After reading several other blogs that chronicled trying to conceive, getting pregnant, and even labor and delivery, I have decided to start my own blog. For several reasons, I think this will help my journey. Reason #1- It will help keep all my friends informed as to what's happening in my life. Since I have about 3 friends that know we are TTC, I'm sure this is necessary. Reason #2- I think writing is a very cathartic experience. I always kept journals when I was younger, and it really helps me to get my feelings "out there". Sometimes you just need to vent, and while I think I have a great husband, I think he gets tired of me complaining about the same old thing sometimes. Reason #3- As much as this is not a great time in my life because it's difficult, I would like to be able to look back on it and think "that was not nearly as big of a deal as I made it". It's funny how much people (myself included) live "in the moment", and freak out about things that turn out to be speed bumps.

So here's some background on me and TTC: H and I were married almost 2 years ago. I have always wanted children right away, but our situation wasn't the best for kids yet. We waited. H wasn't ready so we waited. I was ready so I pushed, but we waited. Finally, about this time last year, I had had enough of waiting. I told H that I was done with BCP. I had been on Depo for 4 years prior, but because of health concerns with that, I switched to the pill about Feb. 2006. I hated it. I was sick to my stomach for almost 3 months, finally discovering the miracle of taking BCP on a full stomach (life saver). I was never a great pill taker, I was frequently forgetting them, and having to take two at a time to make up for it. I think it was just so easy to forget because it was not a priority to me. Fast forward a year. February of 2007. I am now done with school, and things are going well. And then, my period is late. A day, two days, a week. I told DH, and it was ok. It wasn't something we were exactly "prepared" for, but we were ready. At this point, I don't know what to do. Do I start a new pack of pills? Do I not? Will it hurt the baby if I am PG? I look online. It says to stop, so I stop taking the BCP. I call the doctor a week later. They tell me to keep taking the pills, that it will not hurt the baby this early on. So I start back up on the pills after going 1 week with no placebo pills and 1 week with no real pills. Then I start my period. DAMN IT! Now what? So I am not PG. Well after that, my period got royally f-ed up. I would not have it, I would have it for one day, I would have it for two days in the middle of my pill pack. It could happen at any moment. UGH. So I decide that in June of 2007, I am going to be done with BCP. I want my body to regulate itself and get back on track naturally. H and I have decided that we will start trying in Spring of 2008, so that seems like more than enough time to have everything back to normal. How wrong I was.

So, I stopped BCP in July of 2007. When September came and I hadn't had a period yet, I called the doctor. They said that it was normal after coming off BCP, and I should wait until I hadn't had my period for 4 months total and then they would do something about it. I should have called around and gotten a 2nd opinion right then. Four months? Are you kidding me? So I waited. In November of 2007, I saw the doc and she prescribed me Prometrium, which would "jump-start" my period. It would force me to have a period and then, hopefully, my body would realize that "oh hey...yeah, I'm supposed to do this once a month." Since I had NEVER had regular periods and we weren't actively TTC, the doc was not all that concerned. Well, it worked and I had a period. But just one.

Fast forward another four months and we come to February of 2008. How time flies. Still no normal periods, and I go to see the doctor again. She gives me another Rx for Prometrium, and after a lengthy, not pleasant conversation about my "options", which include either going to see an OB/GYN who may or may not be able to find my problem, or just heading straight to the infertility clinic for help (what a horrible feeling), I decide to give the OB/GYN a try. I make an appointment for the next month and start the Prometrium.

Seeing the OB/GYN was not a unpleasant experience, but the guy I saw was an ass. I will not see him again. He made me feel like I was unintelligent, and it was all my fault that I wasn't having periods. He knew exactly why I wasn't getting periods, but he couldn't be bothered to explain it to me. He gave me my first Rx for Clomid, which he told me should make my body ovulate. Ok...sounds good. Long story short, I take the Clomid, have sex when I'm supposed to, and then go to get my blood checked two weeks later.

The OB/GYN calls a few days later. I ovulated! Yay! But am I PG? He doesn't know. I don't know. I took a test and it said no, but I could have tested too early. He tells me over the phone that when I finish my period we will discuss my options. Um, what period, doc? I haven't started my period. Apparently, I should have started it almost a week before, and the fact that I didn't, and got a negative pregnancy test, well, he finds this "puzzling" Puzzling? You find it f-ing puzzling, doc? Not cool. Don't tell me that. You may be puzzled and confused about my f-ed up cycles, but don't tell me that! So he tells me to wait a week, test again, and then call back. Great. More waiting. Thankfully, I got my period a few days later. I called and he prescribed me another round of Clomid.

So I start another round of Clomid, and cross my fingers that this is "our" month. I begin spending every waking moment on thenest.com, chatting on the "Babies on the Brain" board. I like it there. These women have helpful advice, and many of them have been where I am. It's helpful to have support like that. I start every day by taking my temperature and recording it at fertilityfriend.com. Finally, I get to the point where I should ovulate. Then I wait. FF changes my ovulation date after a week, which totally f-s up everything. I take a test at 13 or 9 dpo, depending on if I trust FF. It's negative, so I decide that FF is right, and I should wait to test until 6/2 or 6/3. Doesn't matter because I wake up on 6/1, and I know that AF will show up sometime today. The cramps are horrible, and I just want to lay in bed. Sure enough, she shows up later that day. Not PG. I guess I'll go call the doc for more Clomid.