Please.

So, I finally got crosshairs for this Month! FF says that I O'd on Sunday, which is possible. And decent timing. I had to work a double that day and didn't get to use my OPK for that day, so I may have missed it. I'm happy to finally have crosshairs and I'm really happy that I was able to predict what day they would be on even before they showed up, just based on temps and my body's signals.

I'm feeling a little... odd, I guess, about this entire month. I mentioned it the last time that I blogged, and I am nervous because the anticipation is not building. I am 6 dpo, and it's not really a big deal. Even though it sucked, waiting in nervous anticipation, with that little voice in the back of your head saying "Maybe...", I wish I could experience it now. I am not getting excited, or nervous, or anxious, or anything, really. I'm just waiting it out. It feels like something has been lost, like my flame has been snuffed out entirely too early. 4 months is not that many, but it seems to be enough to have thoroughly disappointed me. Before I spent hours plotting in my head about how I would tell my husband, how we would tell our friends, and his parents. And now, I just don't care. I just want to see that test positive. That's all I want. I don't want to say that I have lost hope, but I'm beginning to wonder. We'll see next week, when it gets to be time to test.

Please let this work.